The World According to Matt

To my friends: Matt is my 43 year old mentally retarded, cerebral palsy, hypoxic at birth, little brother....

The world according to Matt:

No job equals no worries.

Gravy is good.

All TV is good....even the test pattern.  Even the STATIC.  EVEN the BLUE SCREEN.  EVEN when the TV is OFF!

Matthew can see around the corner before anyone else.

To hold that perfect piece of paper is to have the world in the palm of your hand.

Why did Matt cross the road?  To get the piece of paper!!

The shinier the better.

Matthew can get anything he wants just by pointing and grunting like a caveman.

Matthew can see colors no one else can:

schwite, swed, mue, hoovaloo, squeen, rellow blurple, gangloot,....and Qray - but he considers Qray just a lighter shade of abbone'.  (Brother Jack admits to channeling some Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker books on that one!)

ALL that glitters is GOLD. (pediddle to Matt)

The paper is always whiter (vujade) on the other side....

Stagger slowly like a zombie until the pretty girl, baby, or perfect paper is sighted, then ZOOM!

Matt knows cleavage is a gift from God.  Some members of my family say that Matt is not aware of sex or cleavage.....but, hey, I've seen him look at Gisele...and no one, not even Matt, is THAT retarded!!

Farts is funny.

Matt knows all, tells nothing.

Picasso started painting in the impressionist style, after he met Matt!

I took Matt's iPicture and ran it through the Funhouse Mirror setting in iPhotobooth on the iPad and it came out as this:

and then this:

???!!!???

Matt knows the unified field theory and how to achieve time travel AND anti-gravity - he is just waiting for someone to ask him (and receive funding).

Happiness is holding a puppy.

Anyone can look at the leaves on a tree...only Matt can look at the light in-between the leaves!

If we cut his hair and put an orange (paddywaggle to Matt) sheet on him, we could sell tickets to his meditations!

Sure, everyone knows to look both ways when crossing the street, but Matt can look BOTH ways AT ONCE!

-=j=-


P.S. Sorry if I got too silly, but it's all Matt's fault.  He told me to write this!!


P.P.S. Matt's Beatles' Theme Song:

The Fool On The Hill

by John Lennon, Paul McCartney

Day after day,

Alone on a hill,

The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still.

But nobody wants to know him,

They can see that he's just a fool,

And he never gives an answer,

But the fool on the hill,

Sees the sun going down,

And the eyes in his head,

See the world spinning 'round.

Well on the way,

Head in a cloud,

The man of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud.

But nobody ever hears him,

Or the sound he appears to make,

And he never seems to notice,

But the fool on the hill,

Sees the sun going down,

And the eyes in his head,

See the world spinning 'round.

And nobody seems to like him,

They can tell what he wants to do,

And he never shows his feelings.

But the fool on the hill,

Sees the sun going down,

And the eyes in his head,

See the world spinning 'round.

Ooh, ooh,

Round and round and round.

And he never listens to them,

He knows that they're the fools,

They don't like him.

But the fool on the hill,

Sees the sun going down,

And the eyes in his head,

See the world spinning 'round.

P.P.P.S.  Hidden Easter eggs in the above post.  First to get them wins...um,...a date with Matt and Jack!!?!