My New Year's Resolutions - Naming Names!

Some people may remember that usually at this time of year I ask people if they receive too much e-mail from me, too little e-mail from me, or just the right amount of e-mail from me.  Well, it ain't gonna happen this year,  Shecky!

Yup, you are all going to receive way too much e-mail from me.  The fact of way too much computer time and my somewhat deteriorating mental condition will guarantee a flood of puzzling and pointless e-mail!  lol. 

Plus all the time you will have to spend reading my blog because I figure the one way to increase readership of my blog is to name names!

But back to New Year's resolutions ....
To be brutally honest  – since becoming increasingly paralyzed, can I make any New Year's resolutions?  To meditate more?  To sleep more?  To eat softer food?  Watch more TV?  Watch all 480 episodes of ''The Simpson's''?  To subscribe to ''Quadriplegics Monthly'' magazine?

So, I decided to do something differently – and much more in keeping with my personality:

I'm making New Year's resolutions for my friends and family!

Number Negative One –  I don't normally start counting in negative numbers, but I thought of this late and it should be at the top!  Please replace your smoke alarm batteries!  The life you save may be your own...


Number Zero – Read my blog!  Of course, if this is in my blog...you've already accomplished one resolution!!!  You can find my blog at Blogspot.    You can google "Jackmuses" (one word) and "blogspot" and my blog will come up.

Number One – My number one pet peeve by far, people [Dwight, I'm talking to you!], when you send out a funny e-mail to a large number of people.... DON'T put the addresses in the ''TO:'' or the ''CC:'' areas – put them in the ''BCC:'' category (Blind Carbon Copy) that way people who have infected compromised computers – mainly PCs – and my e-mail won't go to the spammers.  I get enough spam about penis and breast enlargement, Viagra, and the large amounts of money in Africa that people are desperately trying to give me!  (although, truth be told, I am interested in a breast

reduction!)
briankimevans@bellsouth.net; william.f.compton@us.army.mil; mike.67cobra@gmail.com; ramseymountain@tds.net; phaga@pearceconstruction.net; treblig00@msn.com;smada001@gmail.com; bobbanjo512@yahoo.com; lafrye1@yahoo.com; jkalhall@yahoo.com; JoeCorvetteman@aol.com; BEAMO50@aol.com; amerchison@aol.com;tizd911@msn.com; resscat@aol.com; A273CUDA@AOL.COM; g.dziedzic@knology.net; gt350mike@aol.com; pkeiththompson@yahoo.com; randall.norris@gmail.com;lexholiman@att.net; keith.wilson@wyle.com; weo800@hotmail.com; pappyscobra@gmail.com; eriktreves@comcast.net; michaelmcdowell@bellsouth.net;mbh1948@hotmail.com; patdude@netzero.net

Number Two – That my cousin Greg O. gets a fabulous girlfriend in Austin, Texas -preferably a nymphomaniac millionaire orphan who owns a liquor store!

Number Three - Enjoy life! -- ''carpe diem'' -- ''seize the day''!  While ALS is so very rare that it is a practical guarantee that none of my friends or family will ever get it (and that is of great comfort to me) there are lots of nasty diseases.  Not many of us will live to be 100. So, I guess I'm saying put off work, put off anything difficult, and enjoy life. Enjoy your friends , family, and neighbors.  I  guess I am saying be a slacker!  Get out there and have fun. Of course, sitting on the couch watching television has its place, too!

Number Four - I wish I could get in touch with more of my old Omaha friends.  I can't find them on Google or Facebook.  I will mention them in my blog by name.  New Year's is the time for people to Google themselves and see the imprint they are making.

(I am impossible to find through Google or Facebook because the name "Jack Green" is so like "Joe Smith"....and when I say impossible to find, I mean there are hundreds of me on Google – a preacher, millionaire, criminal, film director, politician, do-gooder, do badder, etc., - and as you know, none of them are me!)

I often tell my friends things about them that I found on the Internet that they did not know.  I bet I'm not the only one Google stalking!  The only person I won't Google is my ex-wife.  It's very simple as to why...  If she was doing very badly it would upset me, and then on the other hand, if she was doing very well....it would also upset me.  I guess I have to quit judging my insides by other people's outsides. 

Anyway, back to old friends, I heard Dan Drey moved to Des Moines.  My old friend from Junior Achievement, Doug Durham, passed away last summer.  But I'd like to talk to his ex-wife Melody... I lost touch with him about 10 years ago.  He was getting married while I was getting divorced. 

I'm sure I can add more names to the list as I think of them.  One girl I would really like to apologize to is Debbie Crisman.  I'm not sure what high school she went to, it may have been Omaha Northwest.  We were in Junior Achievement together. 

Number Five - Start Googling yourself!  I'll admit I'm kinda getting tired of telling people things about themselves they should already know about themselves.... Think of it as looking into a mirror in a narcissistic way.  Except in this case the mirror is the internet.  I would if I could, but I can't because again, Jack Green is such a common name , as is John Green. 

Number Six - its okay to drive older cars now.  In the past when repairs got to be too much, people sold their old car and bought a new one.  The internet makes repairs much easier and cheaper.  I put in the symptom of a dead dashboard gauge on my friend's jeep and info came up on how to take the dash apart and where the loose connector was!  It also said the easiest way was to hit the dash in one certain spot and sure enough, I did that, and the gauges came back alive!

Number Seven - are you tired of paying too much for eye glasses?  I sure was! I was paying between 100 and $200 at eye Masters and Walmart.  I googled for goggles on the Internet and found a company called zenni.com... Thousands of frames, starting at $6.95! I'm not kidding. [Yes, I kid about a lot of things but not this]  a lot of my coworkers at AT&T are now using Zenni – we are all very happy.

No more ''your prescription has expired'' or ''we don't accept prescriptions from that Doctor''...  You enter in the prescription on the website. Shipping is five dollars. But if you order more than $50 worth of glasses-- Shipping is free.  They do bifocals, trifocals, progressive, tinted, or prescription sunglasses.

I am a show sure you'll be happy with this that I will pay up to $25 If you are not completely satisfied... Is there a catch?
Yes, there is always a catch. In this case there are three! You have to have your prescription from your eye doctor. He/she probably won't want to give you your prescription – – they will say ''oh gosh, you're not going to order from Zenni are you?''

Second catch is you have to know your ''PD'' -- pupillary distance. It is a distance between the center of your eyes. It is very difficult to measure your own – so have your spouse or spice do it.  There are instructions on the website how to do it.

I usually order three or four pair of the same kind of glasses – so if I scratch or lose a lens I can't combine broken pairs back into a good pair.

The third catch is that I don't know how they can make a profit. My theory is slave children in China make the lenses, then they are shipped via air to California, where they are popped into frames, and then shipped to you.-- That is, the lenses, not the slave children!  But this is just a theory of mine.


zenni.com !!

So I hope, in a month's time, my cousin Greg will have that girlfriend;  people will no longer send lists of lists of e-mails on their e-mails to me; and I will have gotten e-mails from people saying ''Guess what I found out about myself?!''; my friends will be pounding the daylights out of their cars and trucks; and I'll finally be able to apologize to Debbie Crisman for something that happened in 1978...! 

-=j=-