3 German Shepherds in a British Pub

This is a very funny video.keep watching, as they will show the dogs

having more "sips" throughout the video.

Be sure to turn on your sound and listen carefully to the bartender.

3 German Shepherds in a British pub.

You gotta love the bartender....

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=f309fSTWYo4

Walking Dead thought...

I, like many, thought the title Walking Dead meant the zombies, but it really means 

the few un-bitten survivors - they are as good as dead.

Therefore, LOST doesn't mean the people on the island,

but us...the poor "lost" viewers

with so few answers and so many unanswered questions.

Jack's Crazy Thought of the Week - Hoops Earrings

It might be my imagination, but I see more girls (and some guys) wearing gold hoop earrings....

It seems that bigger is better - sometimes 5" diameter so that they kinda rest on the shoulders of the wearer. Of course, people don't know what size to get...

AH! I have the solution.  The size can be determined by the size of the wearer's areola of the nipple!  The average man's areola is about 1" in diameter.  The average woman's is a range of about 1-1.5" - so only gals with big areolas can wear big hoops!

Now, I need a snappy phrase to sum it up.  Something like:

"Collar does not match the cuffs."

"Carpet does not match the drapes."

"Shoes should match the bag."

Or, how about:

"Hoopsies should match the boopsies!"

"Rings gotta match the ting-tings!"

"Nuttin' bigger than the dual buttons."

Since many hoops earrings are actually hollow tubes for weight savings, how about:

"The tubes gotta match the boobs."

And, of course, the same rule applies to ear gauges.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Areola

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earring

Well, I've Heard of Hanging Tomatoes...But Strawberries?

How to plant a Strawberry Hanging Basket

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajk_kY380dM

"ALS in the HeartLand" Award

Click on the link to see the video - thanks!

http://www.wowt.com/promotions/misc/82832247.html 

Jack's Crazy Thought of the Week - Greece Trap

It's been in the headlines lately how the financial problems of Greece are spreading to the entire European Union.

I lived in Greece for three months back in 1986, so I know a little about Greek culture.  In a nutshell, the Greeks are very fiscally irresponsible.  Their government has historically failed on a whopping 50% of their debt.

When the EU tells the Greek government to shape up, cut costs, cut services, act responsibly - the Greek population riots and burns buildings.  Like a spoiled child throwing a fit after being told to quit playing and come to dinner.

By contrast, the Germans are ultra responsible.  What needs to happen is for the Germans to start acting like the Greeks and the Greeks to start acting like the Germans.  However, that is impossible, so I suggest the following:

This will be very unpopular, but I see it is the only solution - Greece has 11 million citizens.  The European Union has over 500 million citizens.  Germany has 81 million citizens.  Up til now Greece has been trying to tell the EU to send more money (the tail trying to wag the dog).  The only way to get the Greeks to act more like the Germans is for 1 million Germans to move to Greece...and 1 million Greeks to move to Germany.  They can keep their cars, but they will have to trade houses/apartments/flats.  I would imagine some Germans would like to move to the warmer climate.  Not to mention some Greeks are tired of the chaos, strikes, and unemployment and would like a better life for their children.

There are two precedents for this - one very good one and one very bad.  First, Germany has experience in helping poor countries.  West Germany was an economic powerhouse and East Germany was a joke of a police state.  Obviously, East Germany became much more like West Germany...not the other way around.

Second precedent:  The last time Germany sent a lot of Germans to Greece was in WWII.So, let's not call them Germans.  Let's call them "Europeans"  - the "Million 'Mensch' March"!  [a 'mensch' is a Yiddish word for a person of honor and integrity].  Although 2 million really....as 1 million moving southeast and 1 million moving northwest.

And if 1 million doesn't do it then trade another million!  I think the Greeks would go for it.  They would like all the Mercedes, Audi's, and Beemers that come with the Germans.  If the Greeks don't go along with it, give their EU membership to the Turks.  Turkey has been wanting to get into the EU for the last 25 years...

=j=

OLD DOGS

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost.  Wandering about he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. 

The old German Shepherd thinks, "OH, oh!! I'm in deep s*** now!!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.  Just as the panther is about to leap the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"BOY! That was one delicious panther!  I wonder if there are anymore around here?"

Hearing this the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike. Terror came over him and he slinked away into the trees.

"Whew!", says the panther, "That was close...that old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther.  So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being been made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running he sat down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says,

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

MORAL OF THIS STORY:

Don't mess with the old dogs.  Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery.  BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

If you don't send this to five "old" friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Of course, I am in no way insinuating that you are old....just 'youthfully challenged'.

You did notice the size of the print, right?

An Update

    I've been in Omaha for three months now and we finally got some snow.  I've settled into a good little routine - my family and friends are taking good care of me.  I get to go to the pool three times a week, and I'm spending more time in the wheelchair.

    Misery loves company.  Almost everyday I talk with two ALS patients.  One guy is about six months ahead of me in his illness.  Hard to watch as I am right behind him, but I would rather know than not know...

He is facing it with humor and dignity.  He has the family kind of ALS.  Hereditary.  Six people in his family have died from ALS - including his mother two years ago.

    I haven't posted much on Facebook - I don't know what to say.  I guess mentally I'm good.  Physically, I am still deteriorating.  I am at peace, though.

    I have found the rest home I like and it is near the pool.  I am waiting on approval.  I don't know if I'll be there in one month or six.  I'll keep you posted.

Until next time,

Cheers,

Jack

    

Angry, But.....

    "I have a lot of questions and the longer I sit here in my house, in my wheelchair, and stare at my computer screen, the longer those questions brew, the angrier I get.

    I do not want to die an angry man.  I do not want to die a bitter man.  I do not want to die at all.  But if I must, then I want truth to be my companion on that journey, not regret."  - Michael Donnelly from 'Falcon's Cry - A Desert Storm Memoir'

    I love that quote.  It gives me peace...  I am not as angry as him because I got ALS at age 51.  He got it at age 35.

I'm Comfortable

I am perfectly comfortable.

Thank you for asking.

I hope you are perfectly comfortable,too.

=j=

A Gazillion Good Sayings

The following quotes are taken from  http://12stepsource.com/recovery_quotes.html :

• "When you're home by yourself you're behind enemy lines."
• "If you share your pain you cut it in half, if you don't you double it."
• "If you don't want what we have, go back out to what you had."
• "There's no elevator, you have to take the steps."
• "AA is not for people who need it, it's for people who want it."
• "Part of compliance is defiance, but you must arrive at acceptance of the disease."
• "I'm an egomaniac with an inferiority complex."
• "My head is like a bad neighborhood and I shouldn't go in there alone."
• " Religion is for people who are afraid they'll go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there."
• "I'm not going to give anybody free rent in my head."

• "I was hopelessly dopeful...now I'm dopelessly hopeful."
• "I used to be a hopeless dope fiend, now I'm a dopeless hope fiend."
• "I need to put things in perspective because I have a disease of perception."
• "An alcoholic is chosen to find God."
• "The quality of your recovery is proportional to the quality of your surrender."
• "I'm a W.C.S. person. That's Worst Case scenario"
• "I'm basically a negative person, that's why I'm so happy."
• "Untreated alcoholism without the steps on a daily basis will make my past my future."
• "Uncover...Discover...Discard."
• "Those who relapse are attending powerlessness graduate school."
• "This program changes the way I relate to me. That's what I'm trying to do, change the way I relate to me."
• "If you commit suicide you're killing the wrong person."
• "If you're not moving away from a drink you're moving closer to it."
• "I've been beating up on myself so much I feel like hitting myself."
• "A critic is a person who goes onto the battlefield after the battle has been fought and shoots the survivors."

• "AA is not a program to get sober...it's a program to live your life successfully and to be happy once you get sober."
• "I'd never trade my worst day sober for my best day drunk."
• "Being an alcoholic does not give me the excuse to act alcoholically."
• "I worked my using hard, so now I want to work my sobriety hard."
• "The shortest sentence in the Big Book is, "It Works."
• "The power behind me is greater than the problem in front of me."
• "When you're in fear you're not in faith."
• "A fear faced is a fear erased."
• "Every time I draw a sober breath I'm like a fish out of water."
• "I was a scream in search of a mouth."
• "I didn't make it all the way to the beach to drown in the sand."
• "Drinking gave me the illusion that I might be alive." (Chekhov, Uncle Vanya)
• "I am one drink away from never being sober again for the rest of my life."
• "Praying is asking God for help, meditating is listening for God's answer."
• "The reason I'm here is because I'm not all there."
• "Put your chip under your tongue and if it dissolves you can take another drink."
• "My biggest problem was bottles of the two-legged variety."
• "My basic problem is that I flee from those who want me and I pursue the rejecters."
  • "When I live in the past, I live in regret. When I live in the future, I live in fear. When I stay in the NOW, everything's always okay." (from Joan T.)
  • "If I could drink socially I'd get drunk every night."
  • "There's no speeding in the trudging zone."
  • "Having a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die."
  • "Courage is fear in action."
  • "Had the eyes no tears, the soul would have no rainbow." (from Teresa)
  • "God will heal your broken heart, if you will give Him all the pieces." (from Teresa)
  • "My life hereafter is from this moment on."
  • "We are attracted to people who share in our growth and progress and lose interest in those who don't."
  • "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." (Ambrose Redmoon)
  • "Self will imprisoned me far more than bars ever did."
  • "I've definitely got the "ism" in alcoholism...that's incredibly short memory."
  • "I had to learn how to float in this program because I'm a sinker."
  • On relapse: "I never did anything in moderation...except maybe the steps."
  • "Bring the body and the mind follows."
  • "It's not the load that takes you down...it's the way you carry it."
  • "When you choose the lesser of two evils, always remember that it is still an evil." (Max Lerner)
    • "AA is not for people who need it, its for people who want it."
    • "Untreated alcoholism without the steps on a daily basis will make my past my future."
    • "If youre not moving away from a drink youre moving closer to it."
    • "Sobriety is a journey ..........not a destination"
    • "Poor me.....poor me............pour me another drink"
    • "It works -------it really does ! (page 88,line 8 in the big book)"
    • "The road to sobriety is a simple journey for confused people with a complicated disease"
    • "Dont drink, read the big book, and go to meetings"
    • "Remember that alcoholism is incurable, progressive, and fatal"
    • "Call your sponsor before, not after, you take the first drink"
    • "One alcoholic talking to another...........one equals one"
    • "There are 12 steps in the ladder of complete sobriety"
    • "We can be positive that our drinking was negative"
    • "If I think, I wont drink. if I drink, I cant think"
    • "Be as enthusiastic about AA as you were about your drinking"
    • "Alcoholism is the only disease that tells you youre all right"
    • "An AA meeting is where losers get together to talk about their winnings"
    • "AA is a school in which we are all learners and all teachers"
    • "AA may not solve all your problems but it is willing to share them"
    • "There are none too dumb for the AA program but many are too smart"
    • "We all have another drunk left in us but we dont know if we have another recovery in us"
    • "The person with the most sobriety at a meeting is the one who got up earliest that morning"
    • "When a person tries to control their drinking they have already lost control"
    • "We in AA dont carry the alcoholic; we carry the message"
    • "The 3 ts of gratitude to repay AA for our sobriety: our time, our talent, our treasure"
    • "AA is the highest priced club in the world.........if u have paid the dues, why not enjoy the benefits ?"
    • "AA never opened the gates of heaven to let me in, AA did open the gates of hell to let me out"
    • "Some people are so successful in AA that they turn out to be almost as good as they used to think they were when they were drinking"

      "If you like everyone in AA, youre not going to enough meetings!" "People didnt recruit me for this program, alcohol did; and i might add:  a fine job it did." "Most alcoholics would rather die than learn anything about themselves.  In fact, they do." "My admiration for the phenomenon of Alcoholics Anonymous is boundless." ~Mercedes McCambridge "The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity." ~Author Unknown "You can preserve many things in alcohol...except your dignity." ~Author Unknown "First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you." ~Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald "One reason I dont drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time." ~Lady Astor "I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it." ~Thomas Jackson "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didnt drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~Jack Handey " Woman first tempted man to eat; he took to drinking of his own accord. ~Four Hundred Laughs: Or, Fun Without Vulgarity, compiled and edited by John R. Kemble, 1902" "Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that its compounding a felony." ~Robert Benchley "The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotics Notebook, 1960" "Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living." ~Jean Kerr "Drunkenness is temporary suicide. ~Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness" "Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness." ~Seneca "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~Henny Youngman "How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?" ~Author Unknown "Alcohol doesnt console, it doesnt fill up anyones psychological gaps, all it replaces is the lack of God." ~Marguerite Duras "Alcoholism isnt a spectator sport. Eventually the whole family gets to play." ~Joyce Rebeta-Burditt "A few years back I was more a candidate for skid row bum than an Emmy. If I hadnt stopped drinking, I'd be playing handball with John Belushi right now." ~John Larroquette (adapted) "There is this to be said in favor of drinking, that it takes the drunkard first out of society, then out of the world."~Ralph Waldo Emerson "Alcohol is a good preservative for everything but brains." ~Mary Pettibone Poole "It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety." ~Thomas de Quincy, Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, 1856 "I made a commitment to completely cut out drinking and anything that might hamper me from getting my mind and body together. And the floodgates of goodness have opened upon me, spiritually and financially." ~ Denzel Washington "If drinking is interfering with your work, youre probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, youre probably an alcoholic." ~Author Unknown "THE PROBLEM: His craving for alcohol was the equivalent, on a low level, of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, expressed in medieval language: the union with God. THE SOLUTION: You see, alcohol in Latin is spiritus and you use the same word for the highest religious experience as well as for the most depraving poison. The helpful formula therefore is: spiritus contra spiritum." "AA is not a program to get sober...its a program to live your life successfully and to be happy once you get sober." "I'd never trade my worst day sober for my best day drunk." "Being an alcoholic does not give me the excuse to act alcoholically." "I worked my using hard, so now I want to work my sobriety hard." "The shortest sentence in the Big Book is, It Works." "Every time I draw a sober breath Im like a fish out of water." "Drinking gave me the illusion that I might be alive." (Chekhov, Uncle Vanya) "I am one drink away from never being sober again for the rest of my life." "Put your chip under your tongue and if it dissolves you can take another drink." "If I could drink socially I'd get drunk every night." "Having a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die." "Self will imprisoned me far more than bars ever did." "Ive definitely got the ism in alcoholism...thats incredibly short memory." "My sobriety depends on who God is, not who I am." (Duane M.) "Now that Im sober I hit my knees in a different way than I used to." (Jay) "Living our pre-AA active daily lifestyle was akin to switching seats on the Titanic." "A recovering alcoholic without a sponsor is much like leaving Dracula in charge of the blood bank." "First the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the man." "The secret to long term sobriety: Dont drink, dont die." "When I moved in sobriety, I went to the meetings and thought, Oh, you do things differently here...i.e., wrong." (Mike M.) "Our defects of character are the bars of a cage. The central point is not to study the bars, but to get out of the cage." "The most natural state of an alcoholic is irritable, restless, and discontented." "Funny...I ruined my health by drinking to others!" "The chains of alcohol are too light to be felt until they are too strong to be broken." "I didnt get into trouble every time I drank, but every time I got into trouble I was drinking." "Whatever you put before your sobriety; you shall surely lose." "AA is not for people who need it. AA is not for people who want it. AA is for people who do it." "Regarding hanging out at bars: If you hang out at the barbershop long enough you're bound to get a haircut. "If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim."